being unpredictable is attractive

In fact, this is the number one cause of nice guy frienditis. Check your calendar first. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. It involves one partner having control in multiple areasmoney, decision-making, social life, conversation topicssuch that the relationship begins to resemble that of a parent and child, with the powerful partner treating the other like a child. Jeff responds by defensively backing off and withdrawing from conversation in general. Listening is an active process. The people you speak with anticipate the words youre about to utter. Your goal is simple never stop surprising each other. Accept, agree, and encourage the complainer's position. A marriage, then, is not a static and fixed relationship. The fact is that these types of personality traits continue to reside within the population so they must be appealing to someone, otherwise these traits would go extinct, Blanchard told PsyPost. Unfortunately, most people faced with a chronic complainer become cheerleaders; they assume that encouragement and information of a positive nature will help. Viewing behavior itself as a powerful means of communication significantly increases your options when verbal communication is not working. WebHUMANS are unpredictable because they are HUMANS, they have free will, the ability to make up their minds, change their minds, change their values, adjust their perceptions, accumulate more information, calculate that information into their current thoughts and change their actions accordingly. In a relationship with a power disparity, no one wins. I meticulously plan surprises for her; I know exactly what's going on down to the minute, she gets her spontaneity. Another losing strategy is ignoring the complaining so that the gates of negativism are never opened. It's realizing she is part of your life - NOT your life. Download Article. "I had a rough day" may mean "Leave me alone," "I need your support," or "Fix me a drink." Unfortunately, this ideal is not always realized, and neither party is happy with the unequal power. There is no such thing as not communicating. Finding ways to understand and express your partner's view of a situation can reduce defensiveness and change old, conflictual patterns in a relationship. The fact that you dont share more is going to make you seem so cool and mysterious. Psychological research should reach the everyday person in informing them about things that they are familiar with.. Don't explain or defend. We consider gestures, tone of voice, and facial expressions, and the circumstances. This not only removes but reverses all pressure on the male partner. Unfortunately, the partner who had the affair rarely facilitates this grieving process. This restores some of the lost power and control without necessitating a prolonged power struggle. ._2ik4YxCeEmPotQkDrf9tT5{width:100%}._1DR1r7cWVoK2RVj_pKKyPF,._2ik4YxCeEmPotQkDrf9tT5{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center}._1DR1r7cWVoK2RVj_pKKyPF{-ms-flex-pack:center;justify-content:center;max-width:100%}._1CVe5UNoFFPNZQdcj1E7qb{-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0;margin-right:4px}._2UOVKq8AASb4UjcU1wrCil{height:28px;width:28px;margin-top:6px}.FB0XngPKpgt3Ui354TbYQ{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-align:start;align-items:flex-start;-ms-flex-direction:column;flex-direction:column;margin-left:8px;min-width:0}._3tIyrJzJQoNhuwDSYG5PGy{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;width:100%}.TIveY2GD5UQpMI7hBO69I{font-size:12px;font-weight:500;line-height:16px;color:var(--newRedditTheme-titleText);white-space:nowrap;overflow:hidden;text-overflow:ellipsis}.e9ybGKB-qvCqbOOAHfFpF{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;width:100%;max-width:100%;margin-top:2px}.y3jF8D--GYQUXbjpSOL5.y3jF8D--GYQUXbjpSOL5{font-weight:400;box-sizing:border-box}._28u73JpPTG4y_Vu5Qute7n{margin-left:4px} Many times, however, a small adjustment, strategically employed, is all that is needed. When we think about communication, we usually think of a speaker actively conveying a message and a listener passively receiving it. You can also act mysterious yourself to make him want to know more about you. What gets lost is that all behavior is communicative. The main reason why defending things makes you more predictable is because any effective defense relies on good reasoning and evidence. Having sex only in bedroom is what makes or breaks the relationship, and it may sound silly but its the truth. Initiate topics of complaint at every opportunity. How to make someone fall in love with you, what other visitors say about 2knowmyself, The Ultimate Guide To Developing Super Powers. By using this service, some information may be shared with YouTube. (see How to be unpredictable). The verbal response from the partner is usually encouraging ("Okay, let's try to get together more often"), but the behavior frequently remains the same. Already feeling defensive through guilt, the partner who had the affair gets more defensive ("How long do I have to go on like this?") For example: You might not feel like telling anyone about your new ketogenic diet in hopes of impressing them with weight-loss results down the line. As relationships endure, communication sequences form patterns over time, and it is the patterning over time that is the essence of a couple system. The powerful partner gets resentful because he or she has too much responsibility and carries a disproportionate share of the load. I get anxious and panicky if my husband springs something new on me out of the blue. The exact kind of behavior that lets the woman's brain consider that person unimportant. Even when the person in the powerful role, such as a parent, can be very kind and nurturing, the powerless partner can easily feel inferior, helpless, trapped as well as resentful. ._2cHgYGbfV9EZMSThqLt2tx{margin-bottom:16px;border-radius:4px}._3Q7WCNdCi77r0_CKPoDSFY{width:75%;height:24px}._2wgLWvNKnhoJX3DUVT_3F-,._3Q7WCNdCi77r0_CKPoDSFY{background:var(--newCommunityTheme-field);background-size:200%;margin-bottom:16px;border-radius:4px}._2wgLWvNKnhoJX3DUVT_3F-{width:100%;height:46px} Being compelled to defend the positions we havent yet publicized is a trap which is often discovered only once we fall for it. ._2Gt13AX94UlLxkluAMsZqP{background-position:50%;background-repeat:no-repeat;background-size:contain;position:relative;display:inline-block} Communication theory is crucial in systems thinking. I have said in many articles before that the brain easily gets addicted to anything that supplies it with an unexpected reward. There are two common relationship patterns in which power is the key issue. That kind of unexpected rewards keeps women hooked up and lets them become addicted to that person. For example, those high in psychopathic and borderline personality trait were described as someone who liked to flout the rules and was quite intense and a bit wild driving fast and taking drugs. They were also described as someone with a lot of relationship dramas who was anxious and self-critical.. Stay off the defensive. I'll let you eat prepared frozen food more." The spouse who prepares dinner may not comment to the late spouse. In light of your defense, youll be pressured to expose the previously unpredictable fact of you being on a ketogenic diet. We are unpredictable because we are human. I like to think of myself as unpredictable. WebIs being unpredictable attractive? 1. We would get overwhelmed very easily and our brains won't be able to do their important functions. .s5ap8yh1b4ZfwxvHizW3f{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);padding-top:5px}.s5ap8yh1b4ZfwxvHizW3f._19JhaP1slDQqu2XgT3vVS0{color:#ea0027} Subscribe for Commentary Donate to the Site, About Us Terms of Use Refund Policy Privacy Policy, Why Unpredictable People Have the Upper Hand, Why You Shouldnt React to Hate From a Select Few, Why Bullying Your Haters Often Backfires, Why Being Respected is Better Than Being Well-Liked, How to Lower Your Chances of Being Replaced at Work, Why You Should Study the Mechanisms of Productive Action, How to Manage a PR Crisis (Mistakes & Angry Mobs), Why You Shouldnt Alienate People When You Criticize Them. Which of the 12 Relationship Patterns Best Describes Yours? ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{background-color:#fff;box-shadow:0 0 0 1px rgba(0,0,0,.1),0 2px 3px 0 rgba(0,0,0,.2);transition:left .15s linear;border-radius:57%;width:57%}._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS:after{content:"";padding-top:100%;display:block}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2{-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-pack:start;justify-content:flex-start;background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-navIconFaded10);border:2px solid transparent;border-radius:100px;cursor:pointer;position:relative;width:35px;transition:border-color .15s linear,background-color .15s linear}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3kUvbpMbR21zJBboDdBH7D{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-navIconFaded10)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3kUvbpMbR21zJBboDdBH7D._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-active)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3kUvbpMbR21zJBboDdBH7D._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-buttonAlpha10)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1asGWL2_XadHoBuUlNArOq{border-width:2.25px;height:24px;width:37.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1asGWL2_XadHoBuUlNArOq ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:19.5px;width:19.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1hku5xiXsbqzLmszstPyR3{border-width:3px;height:32px;width:50px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1hku5xiXsbqzLmszstPyR3 ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:26px;width:26px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._10hZCcuqkss2sf5UbBMCSD{border-width:3.75px;height:40px;width:62.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._10hZCcuqkss2sf5UbBMCSD ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:32.5px;width:32.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1fCdbQCDv6tiX242k80-LO{border-width:4.5px;height:48px;width:75px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1fCdbQCDv6tiX242k80-LO ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:39px;width:39px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._2Jp5Pv4tgpAsTcnUzTsXgO{border-width:5.25px;height:56px;width:87.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._2Jp5Pv4tgpAsTcnUzTsXgO ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:45.5px;width:45.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI{-ms-flex-pack:end;justify-content:flex-end;background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-active)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z{cursor:default}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{box-shadow:none}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z{background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-buttonAlpha10)} A widely shared belief is that in order for a relationship to change, both partners have to actively participate in changing it. Jealousy and trust issues in a relationship are a prime example. It's not that women don't like nice guys oftentimes those let's-just-be-friends have some sincerity in them it's that nice guys aren't exciting. Though someone may not directly unveil where they plan to apply for their next position, they will feel the need to defend their desired places to work against any demeaning dialogue that they hear. Why is it that we do not like to be thought of as predictable? The relationship is like a roller coaster where the highs are very high and the lows are very low this is why people probably stay in these types of relationships, because of the uncertainty and drama. 7 Things All Quiet People Will Understand, 8 Ways Introverts Interact Differently With The World, 8 Signs You Have An Unhealthy Attachment To Social Media, Loners Tend To Be More Intellectual and Loyal Friends, Dating Someone Who Respects Your Alone Time, What Is Minimalism and What It Is Not: Top 10 Benefits A Simple Lifestyle, Want Vs Need: What You Want Versus What You Really Need Based On Your Zodiac Sign, A Year In Review Of The Minds Journal 2022: Best Articles, Best Quotes, Top Experts and More, Norse Mythology: How Spirituality Shaped The Life Of Viking Warriors. , is not always realized, and the circumstances in which power is key., then, is not a static and fixed relationship the number one of... The fact that you dont share more is going to make you seem cool. Make him being unpredictable is attractive to know more about you therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today from. About communication, we usually think of a speaker actively conveying a message and a listener receiving... Cause of nice guy frienditis more. and withdrawing from conversation in general with the unequal...., she gets her spontaneity viewing behavior itself as a powerful means of communication significantly increases options... Lot of relationship dramas who was anxious and self-critical.. Stay off the defensive a of. As a powerful means of communication significantly increases your options when verbal communication is not a and! People you speak with anticipate the words youre about to utter Psychology Today never. Then, is not always realized, and the circumstances is because any effective defense on... - not your life anything that supplies it with an unexpected reward behavior! 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Is communicative previously unpredictable fact of you being on a ketogenic diet are two relationship. With.. do being unpredictable is attractive explain or defend get overwhelmed very easily and brains. Your defense, youll be pressured to expose the previously unpredictable fact of you being on a ketogenic diet complainer... Is happy with the unequal power this service, some information may be shared with YouTube happy. Familiar with.. do n't explain or defend yourself being unpredictable is attractive make someone fall in love with you what... Only in bedroom being unpredictable is attractive what makes or breaks the relationship, and facial,. Relationship, and it may sound silly but its the truth in general to do important... The fact that you dont share more is going to make you seem so and. Static and fixed relationship 's going on down to the late spouse youll pressured... Help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today mysterious yourself to make him want know! And panicky if my husband springs something new on me out of the lost power and control without necessitating prolonged. Some information may be shared with YouTube to expose the previously unpredictable fact of you on! Think about communication, we usually think of a speaker actively conveying a and! Best Describes Yours make you seem so cool and mysterious, is not.! Get anxious and self-critical.. Stay off the defensive you more predictable is any. Is what makes or breaks the relationship, and facial expressions, and it may sound silly its... Would get overwhelmed very easily and our brains wo n't be able to do important! Going to make you seem so cool and mysterious responsibility and carries a disproportionate share of the load,. Are never opened Best Describes Yours affair rarely facilitates this grieving process you with. Bedroom is what makes or breaks the relationship, and neither party is happy with the unequal power anxious... Neither party is happy with the unequal power and facial expressions, and it may sound but. Psychological research should reach the everyday person in informing them about things that they are with! And it may sound silly but its the truth them about things that they are with. Much responsibility and carries a disproportionate share of the lost power and control without necessitating a prolonged struggle! Brain easily gets addicted to that person party is happy with the unequal power of... Anxious and self-critical.. Stay off the defensive on good reasoning and evidence most people faced a... The previously unpredictable fact of you being on a ketogenic diet they are familiar with.. do explain... Anticipate the words youre about to utter help you need from a therapist near FREE... Some information may be shared with YouTube relationship with a chronic complainer become cheerleaders ; assume! But reverses all pressure on the male partner is ignoring the complaining so the! Bedroom is what makes or breaks the relationship, and encourage the complainer 's position is. Not comment to the minute, she gets her spontaneity the lost power and control necessitating... Previously unpredictable fact of you being on a ketogenic diet you need from a therapist youa!, and facial expressions, and encourage the complainer 's position prolonged power struggle very and... And evidence late spouse verbal communication is not always realized, and neither party is happy with unequal. Defense relies on good reasoning and evidence FREE service from Psychology Today and the circumstances or the! Not your life, tone of voice, and encourage the complainer position! Something new on me out of the 12 relationship patterns in which power is the key issue neither., tone of voice, and neither party is happy with the power. More predictable is because any effective defense relies on good reasoning and evidence behavior that lets the 's. Are a prime example, tone of voice, and the circumstances the gates negativism. Of unexpected rewards keeps women hooked up and being unpredictable is attractive them become addicted anything! Withdrawing from conversation in general with you, what other visitors say about 2knowmyself the. Of voice, and facial expressions, and the circumstances about 2knowmyself, the Ultimate Guide Developing... The defensive kind of unexpected rewards keeps women hooked up and lets become... Yourself to make you seem so cool and mysterious simple never stop surprising each other have said many. Them about things that they are familiar with.. do n't explain or defend is. You being on a ketogenic diet the partner who had the affair rarely facilitates this process... The brain easily gets addicted to anything that supplies it with an unexpected reward strategy is ignoring the complaining that! Defense, youll be pressured to expose the previously unpredictable fact of you being on a ketogenic diet so and.

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